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This book and the discovery of ‘Aha moments’ was a revelation to me. I cannot recommend it enough. I recently read this book again for the third time. Having read it during pregnancy and since J was born, I am returning to it again and again for the best advice I have found so far.

Dr Laura Markham has a website called Aha Parenting. If you have ever found yourself stressed out, shouting at your kids or simply at a loss with regards to their behaviour, go there now, and then read this book. I am very much hoping that having decided early on to parent with intent, (that is, try my best to consciously adopt a parenting style that will give J the best mental health through his childhood from day one) we will be able to raise our children in a secure, connected unit that provides them with the best opportunity to become the best version of themselves.

This book gives you a step by step guide through the younger years (it goes from infancy up to about age 9) on the importance of staying connected to your children and how to do so in each stage of development. Her explanations on why unruly behaviour becomes less of an issue if your children have a secure enough connection to you really spoke to me, and made me feel more positive about raising children as well.

When my husband and I first started talking about having children I thought it would be nice, you know, a lot of hard work and some shouty parts, but generally something I probably wanted. Once I discovered unschooling and how different an upbringing could look from the mainstream issues around having to do homework, get the school bus, deal with bullies in the class etc etc, I became genuinely enthusiastic to start our family. And once I had read Calm Parents, Happy Kids, I felt I had been given the perfect accompanying tools to support our children, not just through their education, but through each stage of development; through learning to regulate their emotions and learning to trust, building relationships and gaining confidence in themselves to take on the world. It all starts with how they perceive their relationship to you, and how well you can manage your own emotions in your interactions with them, to model for them how an adult can process the world and stay in control of themselves.

Together with my other favourites, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read and Letting Go As Children Grow, this book is my strongest recommendation so far for those looking to parent with intent.